My salutation to all the warriors who have regained their power and speak out.

23 May

I support all people who speak out.

This blog is dedicated to another warrior, another survivor of violence and abuse. I have been in discussions with a number of men and women who seem to believe that it is alright not to put the blame on the abusers.

Here​ are a few comments from a discussion that took place on Facebook.

‘ladies who have the so-called “socials”, where the lady and her friends go for a long weekend outing with her friends (female colleagues), and male friends who are part of the “social”, and her husband can’t be part of that social. And this things are done by the working ladies. So yes, it is also called abuse if he husband wants her to stop the “social”. We can’t blame everything on men.’

Another one of his misguided comments:

‘The dilemma that most women in abusive relationships find is that all her female friends and besties who complain and tell her to get out of the relationship, they do it in bad faith, they only do it in order to replace her in the niggas’s life.’
These comments were taken from a facbook thread posted by one of my followers.

In most cases, many people not only side with the abusers but will look for all sorts of examples to find other situations or people to blame. We need to stop this narrative and focus on acknowledging that the abusers are at fault, that the survivors did not ask for it and that outside influences are not to blame.

I wanted to also share an incredibly powerful story of a woman​ who survived​ a terrible ordeal but has found​ the strength​ to share it.

My information has been extracted from​ an article written by Lizeka Maduna for the Daily Vox
The article was written about a burn Survivor, named Thembi Maphanga.
The Forty-year-old burn survivor Thembi Maphanga from Middelburg, Mpumalanga who says that “her own terms” cost her her two-year-old daughter and left her with physical and emotional scars.


Taken from:

It all started as emotional abuse that was one day followed by a slap. He apologised and said he didn’t know what had happened to him. That slap was then followed by a blue eye. I called my family and we spoke about it. He said he was going to try and find help and we moved on. It all got serious the day he dragged me in front of people at a friend’s place where we had gone to for an event. He wanted us to leave but I couldn’t because I was helping with catering. He accused me of wanting attention from the men who were around.
People intervened and he apologised, saying he had had too much to drink and would go home and sleep. But he wasn’t drunk and didn’t even drink too much, he was in his sober mind. When I finally went home, he wasn’t there, he only came back the following morning. When he came home he expressed his dissatisfaction with how I had handled the situation. He was not happy with the fact that he wanted to leave and I wanted to remain behind. He said he felt as though I didn’t respect him and his feelings. He then told me he had come to take all his belongings and was moving out. I was so tired that I couldn’t even pay attention to him, I just slept in the lounge and told him it was fine.
He started moving around the house packing all this stuff. He then came to me after he was done packing, saying we needed to talk in the bedroom. Our daughter came to join us, he then locked the door. He was so agitated that he kept on pacing up and down, all this time, I wasn’t paying attention at all. I then told him to say what he needed to say – I was tired and needed to sleep. He picked up a 5 litre bottle of petrol on the side of the bed and I still didn’t pay much attention because he worked at wine company and sometimes they keep bottles.
It was until he threw it on me that I realised what was happening. We started fighting for the matches until he overpowered me and finally managed to strike it. He jumped out through the window, leaving my daughter and I there to die. My daughter inhaled all that smoke. We were rescued by a neighbour who saw me through a window. I woke up in hospital three months later. I was told my daughter had passed two days after the incident due to severe amount of inhalation. I went through all that trauma and realisation of the fact that I wasn’t going to be the same again. I spent an entire year at the hospital and had to go for rehabilitation after that.
After seeing the comments on social media about Babes Wodumo and abuse, I wish people would leave commenting to women who have been through it. Also, there’s no way to help someone who is being abused other than ‘ambushing’ them because they are usually very defensive. They are very protective: they own up to the wrongs of their abusers because abusers are very smart. They have a way of isolating you from everyone and they cage you. The next thing you know is that you are nothing without them. I wish I could have been ‘ambushed’ because you keep hoping for the better but it never happens.- end

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